Monday, June 26, 2006

A means to express myself

The pt of starting this is just to keep me sane.Rather then have all these feelings and emotions well up inside.Maybe sum1 will read it and maybe noone will.One things for sure the posts are gonna be full of my raw emotions,that echos how fragile and vulnerable im feeling right now.

Life is nvr gona be the same. I dont think it will be as great and im sure not lookg forward to it.
Sumtimes i wish i could just curl up and disappear. I still havnt come to terms with it. To realise that this is for real. Im still in shock i guess. When i force myself to believe it then my whole body starts to be literally cold and i feel like throwing up. I still check the phone to c if there is any msgs like last time. I wanna msg but i have to force myself not to. Its like the love n feelings in my heart have to be contained; like i have to build a brick wall around it. Its just so evil. If it ended on a sour note maybe i would be able to deal with it. Its just the damned circumstances n situation.

I cant not cry. Even when i try to keep myself occupied there are times when i have flashback of the time we shared tgt. Random things tht i mite not have rembered.Like gg to the library to borrow comics,sendin his frens home... How can sum1 tht is so perfect for u not meant to be with u? sum1 once told me tht u dont necessarily marry the one that u love the most. Isnt tht sad?
What is the pt of marriage then?To procreate?To prevent ppl frm calling u an old hag?To have sum1 in case of need when ur old?


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